Tag Archives: humor blog

Friday Video Review

It’s Friday, and we’re all antsy to be done with the week. Well, my week doesn’t end, because I work on Saturdays and Sundays, but for the rest of you slackers, I’ve found some great videos for you to watch; better yet, I’ve even reviewed them, so you don’t have to. Let’s take a look at what youtube has to offer us today…

Think you’re sick of Gangnam Style? Think again. I guess this song is still fresh enough, and totally relevant to synchronizing it with Halloween lights. Who even really uses lights (excluding those little pumpkins, which are more adorable than they are scary) to decorate their house for Halloween? Anyway, watch the video; it is actually pretty cool, for about 20 seconds.

I can only imagine how tired of this song the people are who regretted allowing Edward’s Landing Lights to set up this display on their property. Or, maybe they’re super fans, who could never get tired of what they think is the song of the century. OR, maybe they’re Korean.

Our next video is not a video, but rather a screen shot of one of the suggested videos from the last video. Jesus, I need a thesaurus. When clicking through Youtube, I wait to be inspired, and compelled to write; then, I always watch the whole video twice before, as well as a few times during, my review. From the picture below, I hope you can see the many reasons why I refuse to watch “crazy 3 min chest workout” by sixpackshortcuts.
Looking beyond the terrible title grammar, and the fact that I don’t need a crazy three minute chest work out (because I’m already super jacked), I can’t get by the obvious: How does a three minute workout take nine minutes and forty-eight seconds? It pissed me off so much, that I refused to click on the advertisement. Besides, if I wanted to watch a shirtless, muscular guy getting off to himself, I’d head just lift my mattress, and pop in my favorite DVD: Shirtless, Muscular Guys Getting Off to Themselves. It’s a masturpiece.

I also try to get the most-recent (as of start of blog), but it’s hard to pass up on this one from 2007:

She knows what the world needs, but I think what the world needs is more people her: sexy, and intelligent. You can see Mario Lopez holding back his laughter, because she comes off as a ditz. The problem is that this girl is misunderstood; I believe that her mental capacity far exceeds any of ours. Therefore, she should really be holding back her own laughter. Maybe I’m just trying to be nice, because she’s hot, and that’s what I was taught; I don’t know.

Finally, I’ll leave you with something that I’d like you to join me in boycotting: people whom are not funny. First on the snub list is this Ben Behfar guy. Before I get into bashing the douche bag, I’ll let you watch the video with a virgin mind.

The main thing that bugs me about “Bodyshots” is that it tries too damn hard to be funny, and it’s not. The song is not funny. Throwing on ridiculous, brightly colored 80’s clothing is not funny. Making a video based on such a poor concept that it pisses me off is not funny. I will say that is shot/put together pretty all right, but for what? It makes me angry that they put in the time and effort for something that I have to take the time and effort to slam; in other words, they’re wasting my time, because I can’t let them go on thinking that they’re awesome. Ben Behfar is more full of himself than me; not only does he think this video is amazing enough to put online, but there are also supplemental videos about the making of this shitball, as well as a website devoted to Nima: this guy who knows he sucks, and plays off that idea.

Oh shit, that sounds familiar. Whatever, I do it better. I know I suck, which is why Dan Ray Sucks. So, if you spend your Friday free time watching videos online to the point where you find one that pisses you off to no ends, because some ass hole thinks it’s funny to present himself in a grandiose, yet silly manner (which has been done before, and better) to make millions of dollars off of Youtube, and you know that’s impossible, but it still bothers you, then you suck too.

Tips to suck less:
-Leave a comment.
-fb/tweet/just tell your friends, friends’ friends, random bums–I don’t care, just do it.
-Finally, don’t make shitty videos.


Things Guys Do…in the bathroom

I have this tendency to make bathroom jokes, not because I’m an immature comedian, but because they are just so relevant.  I’m going to (use some puns and) cut the crap, so we get straight to the good shit.  I’ve come up with A List of Things Guys Instinctually Do in the Powder Room…Gun Powder, That Is:

-Pee on something – Whether using the stream as a laser beam to split a piece of toilet paper in half, sinking a floating object (and keeping it sunk), or being outdoors and going on whatever you please; essentially, we’re reverting back to a caveman state of mind by marking our territory.
-We like to go from high objects.
-We like to test our distance.
-We have trouble aiming in the wee hours of the morning.
-We don’t make eye contact in public restrooms – especially not at a urinal.  Jesus, that’s just asking for an ridicule, an ass beating, or the unwanted affection of someone who takes your glance  the wrong way.
-We don’t wash our hands after peeing, even if a little dribble gets on the fingertip.
-We leave the door open, and the seat up, because…well, we just do damn it.
-Finally, we take pride in what we’ve done, but only if it’s a notable accomplishment worthy of a picture to a friend.

Again, sorry for the potty humor, but I had this idea came to me as I was in the middle of…I don’t think I need to explain.  The restroom is a sacred, ritualistic site for the male sex: it’s the only place a guy can really feel free and natural.  There’s something about the privacy, the peace, and the potpourri that brings a man back to his rugged, stinky roots.  Dropping trou connects us men to our past: to a time where beasts roamed the earth, and the phrase “shit or get off the stump” was not the subject of a patience matter, but rather a life, or death matter.  It’s not just me, either; every man shares these, or similar tendencies.

The restroom makes everything equal.  It takes away anything that makes us different, and shows only the human side of people: there’s no race, no judgement, no jealousy of whose wife has nicer tits, and absolutely no such thing as class—only primitive beasts.  A porcelain nature you won’t find in the female shitter.  Anyway, these are my deep thoughts on the poop room, which is why Dan Ray Sucks; and if you think that the restroom is more than a place to do your SSS (Shit-Shower-Shave), then you need something more important to think about, because you suck, too.

Tips to suck less:
-Leave a comment.
-fb/tweet/just tell your friends, friends’ friends, random bums–I don’t care, just do it.
-Finally, stop writing bathroom jokes.