At some point in your life, I know you’ve looked at some unfortunate soul, and thought to yourself, “Wow, I’m glad I’m not that guy!” Or, you’ve look at some creepy ass dude, and then tried to come up with his back-story, “I bet that person abused animals in his childhood.” Or, one of the most-common questions I ask myself when I see douchey, and/or fat fella with a smoking ass girl, “How did that guy get that girl?!” These observations are what many call “people watching”, but I prefer, “watching people” (the people aren’t doing the watching, you are…but, that’s beyond the point). It is the epitome of judging a book by its cover (except in the actual case of looking at a book cover, and determining whether, or not you would like to read it). Watching people is a guiltless analyzation of humans, and their behavior; you don’t feel any shame for your prejudgement, because all of those weirdos are strangers. The kid who falls off his bike; the guy rapping at the bus stop; the girl with a big stain on her big ass; they’re all strangers, and it hurts me not to laugh.
It’s not always laughing at someone face plant, their clothing choice, or their lack of intelligence. Sometimes, I feel compassion for these people. Sometimes, I see their misfortune, and want to help. Sometimes, I see someone caught in a relatable incident, and can understand what he/she is experiencing. Sometimes, I just try to get down to the root of a person, and honestly want a better understanding of humanity; like when I saw this long, grey haired and scraggly bearded man who was skinnier than an Ethiopian in Auschwitz wearing the tightest tanky and daisy dukes that not even Daisy Duke herself would try to pull off, he was sprinting up the sidewalk with the most distraught expression you’d ever seen, I just had to ask myself, “What fuck is that person doing?” He was also wearing combat boots.
Moments like this make me realize that I watch people all the time (probably too often), and that some places are better suited than others for truly witnessing the raw nature of humans. To help make you as great of an observer as me, I’ve compiled A List of the Top Ten Places for Watching People:
10. Beach: One of my favorite places, because I wear sunglasses—no one ever knows I’m watching them. It’s perfect.
9. Gym: It’s amazing how self-absorbed, and/or self-conscious people can be at a fitness center.
8. Library: From the few times I went to the library, I was highly distracted from my own studying, because I was so interested in watching other people study. They have some weird quirks when they’re focused on their books.
7. Bus: I’m not very familiar with bus travel, but I can imagine that it’s a great place to watch people.
6. In a car: Again, a great place where people rarely recognize that you’re watching them. Countless times, you’ll catch others picking their noses, singing, or (if you’re lucky) playing with himself…I don’t know what would be lucky about that, but you get the point.
5. Bar: Here, you’ll obviously see the drunken side of people. Sometimes it’s hilarious, and sometimes it’s pathetic, but it’s always interesting.
4. Airport: Everyone keeps to him/herself, unless they’re in a group, in which case they keep to the group. This makes it a prime location, especially for a beginner.
3. Grocery store: Most people shop by themselves; you get to see a person in his/her true form: watching them think, and what they buy gives you great insight.
2. Restaurant: If the grocery store is where you see an individual as an individual, then a restaurant is where you see person in a group. His/her ability to interact with others is the true test of humanity.
1. Amusement Parks: Probably the best place to see how people act, because of multiple factors: lines, heat, prices, etc. You see so many different elements of the human: jubilance, boredom, impatience, anger, and relief (to name a few). But, it’s the shifting of these elements that makes the amusement park so notable; waiting in line, you see the same people over and over, so you are able to actually witness the changes. That perspective cannot be beat.
I know, there are a few more places that I could have added: parties, class, and outside of my sexy neighbor’s window. Although these spots did not make the list, don’t count them out as great places to watch people. All too often, we think we’re the definition of normal. I seem to think I’m the poster child of normal, and that others would never dream of watching me. As you are well aware, this is untrue. Also, I clearly have a sick problem when it comes to watching people. This is why Dan Ray Sucks, and if you tend to pass judgment on strangers, because you for some reason think you’re better than them, then you’re an ass, and you suck, too.
Tips to suck less:
-Leave a comment.
-fb/tweet/just tell your friends, friends’ friends, random bums–I don’t care, just do it.
-Finally, be careful: watching others can be dangerous.