Internshit

This is a short post to tell you of my new endeavor.  It’s been two days since I started my internship, and I must say that it’s already awesome: the people are amazing, it’s very laid back, and the company even has it own airplane hangar.  There is but one crucial pitfall: the restrooms.  It’s not the appearance, or cleanliness, because they look great, and are quite sterile.  The problem is really of my own creation.

I’m scared–no, horrified to use the toilet for anything other than number one…which basically narrows it down to: I’m scared to shit.  I will not break the “brown seal” there, not with my track record.  I would rather go an entire day in agony holding it in (which I did on day two–a funny coincidence), than face the fact that it’s completely normal to pop a squat.  Really, everyone shits; it’s the name of a children’s book, for Christ’s sake! (Well, sort of.)

I know this has been a crappy post, but I had to let it out (yes, the puns were intended).  In all seriousness, I’m sorry for blogging about my bowel system, but it’s my duty to let you know (even the low-brow reasons) why Dan Ray Sucks; so, if you have an obscene fear of people looking at you differently, and/or never letting you “work in this town, again!”, because you are self-conscious about your inner fragrance, then you suck, too.

Tips to suck less:
-Leave a comment.
-Follow.
-fb/tweet/just tell your friends, friends’ friends, random bums–I don’t care, just do it.
-Finally, invest in some adult Pampers.

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2 thoughts on “Internshit

  1. hal

    You are not alone. I, too, refuse to place my bum on porcelain befouled with others’ excrement.

    There is a better way.

    Sincerely,
    Hal
    President, American Hovering Society

    Reply

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