We’re face with decisions almost every moment of the day: Is it time to get up? Should I apply to this job? Do I need to untie these shoes before I take them off? Whether big or small, it is inevitable that we will make some good, and some bad; which obviously means that there is a best and a worst decision for each day. This fact occurred to me one morning when I wanted a little sweetness added to my plain (unfrosted) knock-off mini wheat cereal. Seeing as I don’t carry any sugar, or artificial sweetener, I had to improvise. My next move would turn out to be the best (and most creative) decision of the day: mixing French vanilla creamer with my milk (roughly a one to six—cream to milk—ratio).
Although the combination was orgasmic, it did strike some fear into my heart by making me ask myself, “If this is the absolute best decision of my day, possibly even the week, then how shitty will the worst decision be?” In a panic, I jumped in the shower to clear my head. A fatal mistake: showering before I took my morning dump turned out to be my worst decision of the day. “NOOO!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, and for good reason, but I’ll spare you the gross details. Instead, I’ll share with you some useful information.
I was born with a scientific mind, so from that moment, I set out to record my best and worst decisions for the next six days as some sort of very sciency study. Following the scientific method, I discovered that I did not really have a question to answer, nor did I have a hypothesis, but those insignificant problems could be resolved along the way—maybe you can even help with it. That’s all beside the point, anyway; the point of this is to share with you my Best and Worst Decisions of Week 9/2 – 9/8:
9/2 Best – Added French Vanilla to milk for cereal.
9/2 Worst – Broke the cardinal rule of cleanliness: showering before shitting.
9/3 Best – Ate something before work.
9/3 Worst – Only ate a banana before work.
9/4 Best – Inserted Dr. Scholl’s into my work shoe.
9/4 Worst – Downloaded a “Risk” style game: it’s frustrating, time wasting, unrealistic, addicting, and it cheats.
9/5 Best – Missing data.
9/5 Worst – Missing data.
9/6 Best – Spent my day off catching up on reading, writing, exercise, and sun.
9/6 Worst – Deciding not to double-check my work schedule.
9/7 Best – Chose a promising internship over a fairly good job.
9/7 Worst – Chose a non-paying internship over a salaried job.
9/8 Best – Bought a large bag of delicious Smoky Chipotle BBQ Doritos.
9/8 Worst – Ate almost a whole large bag of delicious Smoky Chipotle BBQ Doritos.
After analyzing my data, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is a strong correlation, and sometimes a direct cause/effect relationship between my best/worst decisions. I’ve also learned that I’m not the best scientist. Probably the biggest thing my findings reveal is that my life is extremely boring. Out of seven days, only one of my decisions—one of hundreds—had major significance in my life. Sure, the little ones add up, but still: just one major choice?! This is why Dan Ray Sucks, and if your biggest decision each day is comparable to which sock to put on which foot, then you suck, too.
Tips to suck less:
-Leave a comment.
-fb/tweet/just tell your friends, friends’ friends, random bums–I don’t care, just do it.
-Finally, try to make bigger decisions in your life.