Pabst Blue Ribbon: An American Tradition

My love for Pabst is no secret; I am so fond of PBR that I’m devoting an entire post to the golden-crisp deliciousness.  This love goes  deeper than just my appreciation for that Blue Ribbon taste.  It’s tied to family, friends, and freedom.  Nothing screams USA like the red, white, and blue cardboard soaring high above other beers in the cooler; a sight so beautiful, that Francis Scott Key would shed a tear…Hell, I do.  Nothing shouts at our American soul to get more for our money, than the price that sits well below other beers in the same cooler.  Lastly, nothing holds people together like mortar, more than a strong-standing brick of “Pibbers”.

My brothers and I have a running joke (I use “joke” loosely), that whichever one of us has the first boy must name him Patrick Benjamin; this would make his initials PBR.  We (my siblings and I) all enjoy PBR: it’s a family thing.  My friends and I  enjoy PBR: it’s a friendly thing.  My fellow Americans enjoy PBR; thus, making it not a hipster thing, but an American thing!  You don’t see Clint Eastwood wearing tight jeans, a scraggly beard, and rock climbing shoes as he enjoys a few afternoon PBR’s in Gran Torino; you see an old war veteran who is keen on tradition.  Well, he’s also racist, but the Pabst Brewing Co. does not advocate racism.  What it does support is America, and seeing as hipsters are American, they have as much right to enjoy the fine brew as anyone; they’ll just think that they look cooler doing it.

When you think of this country, what comes to mind?  Universal suffrage, education, national debt; add to that list, Pabst Blue Ribbon.  It ties the country together, and builds it at the same time; a case of PBR is a stimulus package!  If a candidate (I don’t care whom) were to run on a platform of PBR (cases), then he would have my vote.  Let’s use Obama for an example: vote for Obama, he drinks PBR.  Check, you have my vote.  Let’s take it a little further: vote for Obama, he drinks PBR because Bud Light sucks.  Double check, I’m voting twice.  Even further: Vote Obama, he drinks PBR, because Bud Light sucks, and buying American stimulates our economy.  You not only have my vote, but I will also wear a campaign pin on my t-shirt!  Tom Raper would agree that PBR is an investment in our future, because it’s so entwined with our past.

The Declaration of Independence; The Louisiana Purchase; cracking open a fresh can of Pabst Blue Ribbon…these all have one thing in common: America, and freedom.  Okay, those are two things, but they can be embodied as one.  Either way, I’m sure that if the founders had their choice, then they would drink PBR.  In fact, I believe that Patrick Henry’s quote has been skewed over the years; upon being handed a Newcastle in a Virginia tavern, he slammed his fist, and grabbed a redcoat by the throat, shouting, “Give me Pabst, or give me death!”  Shortly after he was given a Pabst, and America won its independence.

Take advantage of your freedom, and be a part of that Old Glory tradition; when you sit out on your lawn during a hot summer day, and share a mutual sweat with an ice cold can of your favorite beer: Pabst Blue Ribbon.  Clint Eastwood does it, so you can’t help but admire the Americanism.  With all of that said, it’s been a long time since I’ve treated myself to a six-pack of the experience that is America.  I’ve slowly distanced myself from the culture, the camaraderie, and the pure taste of perfection that a refreshing bottle of PBR has to offer.  I feel like I’m becoming less of an American every day.  This is why Dan Ray Sucks, and if you haven’t enjoyed a few Pibbers in the past few weeks, then you suck, too.


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