Simply put, people piss me off. This post is not a rant that comes from a bad day at work, a person who did me dirty, or because I’ve recently developed a bleak, rotting view of the world: that’s always been there. It comes, rather, from a natural cynicism of people and their habits that I just hate, and know many others do, as well. I hold so much disdain for people that I’ve actually thought of leaving society, and going to live with lesser intelligent beings: like baboons, or politicians. As much as I would enjoy a life in the wild, living with baboons (hunting, warring, mating, etc.) would just not be feasible. The world needs me. Therefore, I’ve decided, instead, to get my frustrations out in blog form.
You could call this a “pet peeves” list, but I hate that saying; so, here’s An Incomplete List of Things I Hate:
-People who chew with their mouth open.
-Setting a new roll of toilet paper on the toilet, but not replacing the old roll–right beside you! Even if you drop the holder, and have to scramble for it somewhere within the garments between your feet, it takes ten seconds!
-Over-talkers: people who raise their voice over everyone, because they can’t be heard through rhetoric, or reason.
-Cliché tag lines such as, “I know, right?”; “That’s what she said!”; or “I love you.”
-People with too much optimism.
-People with too much pessimism.
-Not answering a phone call.
-Not answering a phone call, but responding with a text (unless at work, or in class).
–Kids with red hair.
-Kids with freckles.
-Kids with braces.
-Kids with red hair, freckles, and braces.
-Repeat for blondies.
-Dropping that fad after a week.
-People who don’t work out.
-People who talk about working out.
-People who post pictures of themselves while working out.
-People who go a the gym, or restaurant with muddy, shit-kicking boots. I thought “country boys” were supposed to be respectful.
-Those not as smart as me.
-Those smarter than me.
-Those who lack common sense.
-Those who lack self-control.
-Those who lack coordination.
–Hungry Hungry Hippos.
-People with no knowledge of, or even a bit of interest in history.
-People who enjoy Friends, The Big Bang Theory, or anything by Seth MacFarlane or Tyler Perry.
-On the same note: Twilight, Harry Potter, or the Geico Pig Commercials.
-Unfunny people who think they’re funny.
-Not to repeat myself, but Jimmy Fallon.
-When people wonder what I’m thinking: think your own thoughts.
-Guys who claim to be “good at partying.”
-Girls who do the same: drinking hard takes no skill, at all. (More later)
-People who don’t party.
-People with no personality.
-Those same people who have to resort to everything pop culture to “fit in”.
-Hearing girls talk about drunken drama stories and sex.
-Hearing guys talk about drunken fighting tales and sex.
-Girls who use “dude”.
-Guys who use “dude” too often.
-People who love Jesus so much that they get a tattoo.
-Girls who love god so much that it interferes with my sex life.
-Overly gay, gay people.
-People who hate gays.
-Racists (of any race).
-Know it alls.
-Show it alls.
-People who can’t take a joke.
-People who are too serious.
-People who are always stressed.
-People who don’t talk.
-People who don’t shut up.
-People who don’t work as hard as me.
-People who work harder than me.
-People who make me look bad.
-People who look down on others.
-People who don’t like the way I do things.
-People who don’t like the way I say things.
-People who seem to have a problem with everything.
-People who say I don’t like anyone who is not like me.
-People who point out the obvious.
This list should be incorporated into an app that analyzes personalities. Based on the number of poor traits, iHate would rate a person (on a zero to ten “Tolerable Scale”), and then (taking your own “Interaction ID” into account) tell you whether or not to continue communication with that person. Apps can do everything else for us; why not pick our friends? If you don’t want to be electronically black listed, then you’ll simply have to change.
I look at myself in the mirror (a lot) every day, and see many things wrong; so, I do my best to fix these problems in order to be accepted by this potential app/society. I have the uncanny ability to look at anything in a negative way, especially myself (boy, would Psychologists would have a heyday with my brain?). Is it really a problem to always strive for, and expect others to strive for an unreachable perfection? Probably. Will I continue to do so? You bet your (not so) sweet ass! This is why Dan Ray Sucks, and if you rate below a Perfect Ten on the iHate App, then you suck, too.
Tips to suck less:
-Leave a comment.
-Tell your friends, friends’ friends, random bums, etc.
-Finally, download the iHate app, and start hating.