enjoy the little things…

The measure of one’s self-worth can be gauged by his/her threshold of joy. For example: If you were a top scientist at NASA who, when designing a space rocket that runs off of something useless (say Justin Bieber ticket stubs, or Mitt Romney), inadvertently discovered the cure for cancer, then you would feel very good about yourself, and would have a fairly high threshold of joy. After that, you would likely become very wealthy, well-known and probably continue to help the world; thus, raising your threshold of joy even more. This is where you would require more than the usual to be satisfied: like having an addiction to methamphetamines, or watching reruns of The Price is Right.  As a result of your greater level of jubilance, anything smaller in your day would hold much, much less importance.

Now, it is not to say that little things in life were not meant to be enjoyed, but when your only pleasures are the simple ones, you know that life is a drag. So, I’ve compiled an event list of the high points in my day:

10. Not waking up.
9. Coffee.
8. Masturbating.
7. Exercise.
6. Showering.
5. Coffee, again.
4. Masturbating, again.
3. Going to work to actually get to see people.
2. Leaving work to get the hell away from people.
1. And of course, taking a dump.

Throw in lounging on the couch, and pretending to think about my future, and that’s my day.  To most people, my list of events are by no means events, but everyday occurrences: monotonous, routine, and time-consuming annoyances.  These tasks I hold near and dear to my heart mean nothing to the productive person who spends his/her time making the world a less crappy place.  To put it in better perspective, let’s look at a conversation between useful Jim and useless I, in other words, just Me:

Me, “Hey, Jim, how was your day?”

Jim, “Great! I saved a man’s life, banged a super-model, and bought a new car!”

Me, “Yeah? Well, how was your shit?”

Jim, “Uh…”

Me, “Don’t tell me you forgot the best part of the day?!”

I’m not saying to forget the little things, but you know you need to change something when the little things in life become the big things. My threshold of joy has been reduced to mundane, daily tasks. The best parts of my day are, to grossly understate, pathetic. This is why Dan Ray Sucks, and if my joy-list looks at all familiar, then you suck, too.

Tips to suck less:
-Leave a comment.
-Tell your friends, friends’ friends, random bums, etc.
-Finally, don’t let the big things stress you; save your anger for minor inconveniences.


4 thoughts on “enjoy the little things…

  1. A Fahey

    I like how people who search justin bieber will come across this little masterpiece. Dan Ray does suck and so do I. However, I would add #11: Being so lazy that sitting at home and watching other people’s lives on reality television is a joy.


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